second guessing

so you know how in life you second guess yourself? and you know it probably doesn't matter that much because it's just you

or when you get married, it's you and your husband, but usually you can explain yourself and your second guessing

well, when you have a kid, the second guessing gets worse, way worse

sophia has been having stomach gurgling and not pooping for a few days since she was born...but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few days

but maybe not, i'm not sure

i'm trying a bottle with her each day so when i go back to work my mom doesn't have trouble feeding her

she seemed to be doing okay with the bottle and i gave her one every few days

today was an odd day though...she was a little cranky yesterday and cried so hard she wouldn't take her bottle

so i breastfed her

then today she cried here and there and would only be consoled on my chest or in her vibrating chair

i tried the bottle again after she slept for 2 hours (kinda odd during the day)...she only took like one ounce

then she slept for another hour or so and took 3 ounces over an hour and a half every once and awhile...but cried after a few sips...i burped and burped and burped her

but she just seemed fussy

then after she finally took the bottle, she slept for nearly 3 hours

i don't know...maybe she hates the bottle now (which isn't good)

maybe she's just cranky today

maybe she's sick :(

i don't know...but we have an appointment next week...and i hate second guessing myself when it's my child

hopefully tomorrow is better or at least a little more normal

john's lists of 'nevers'

i know that i have my list of 'nevers'

but they are mainly things that i wouldn't do

well, tonight john brought up his first 'my daughter will never' comment

which of course caused my parents to say, 'write it down! write it down! we want a list of these so when she does them we can laugh at you'

and it made me wonder what my parents said i would never do :)

well, john's comment was about sophia's belly

she has a huge outie of a belly button and i commented that i was going to talk to her pediatrician about if it would one day be an innie or if there was something i can do to make it such

i think it's cute but as a girl, i know i would hate to be in junior high and highschool with a huge outie sticking out under a shirt, or a bathing suit

so john said, 'why does it matter? my daughter will no be showing her belly'

so we have the first one...i wonder what else he thinks will never happen :)

biggest scare of my life

last night, after hanging out with family all day and having a blast, i was getting ready to feed sophia and head to bed
diaper changed, pajamas on, etc
well, her stomach (and mine) have been upset today so i decided to give her some gripe water before she ate (gripe water has ginger, chamomile, and fennel in it and seems to really help)
she took the first 1ml fine, so i gave her another...and she choked and stopped breathing
she turned bugged eyed, red cheeks, purple lips, etc
scared me to death
i pounded her back, turned her over and did back thrusts like you're supposed to
i even tried the little bulb syringe in her mouth...nothing
so i'm crying, running around to get my keys and phone (john was at a friend's)
i get in the car, still pounding on her back and driving with the other hand
thankfully God was watching out and helped her to breath on our way to the ER and kept my way clear (of cops and other stops) as i ran every stop sign and light in between here and the ER
we got to the ER, were taken back quick, and checked out
ps i ran out of the house so fast, i had no shoes on...thankfully amelia loves me and let me borrow hers...i don't recommend going barefoot in hospitals (especially ERs)
she's fine...100% oxygen saturation on room air (which is perfect)
her x-ray was ok too...
and then she decided to get hungry...so she ate and is again sleeping and doing fine
i may not sleep at all tonight but she's ok
and john did go get me the carseat so i was not britney spears on the way home :)
anyway, thankfully God was watching out for us all

the things i swore would never happen

so there were some things in life i swore i would never ever do...or have done to me

and i am starting to think that motherhood is going to make them all happen to me

here are some examples:

1-i would never choose comfort over fashion...yeah that flew out the window when i got pregnant

2-i would never place my hand on my child's chest or finger under her nose to make sure she was still breathing...done that too

3-i would not care about someone's bowel movements...check that one daily too (or every 3 days as she likes to do)

4-i would not wear my pajamas all day...have to confess i have done that numerous times with her lately

5-most importantly i swore i would NEVER EVER EVER get spit up in my mouth...i mean who throws their child up in the air right after eating? well, i didn't throw her up in the air at all but after she ate today, as i was moving her up onto my shoulder to burp, she burped mid-move onto my chest, shirt, arm, face, and my lip

oh it was gross...thankfully it didn't get way in my mouth but gross gross gross

so i am taking back all the things i swore i wouldn't do or have done in hopes of them not happening to me...hopefully sophia will pick up on this new thought pattern i have :)

garage sale finds

i love garage sales!!! well, sometimes...other times i feel like mom and i drive around all day and spend more money on gas then good finds

but today i found some stuff that made it worth it

i got a boppy pillow...new in the bag...for one whole dollar :)

and then i got a boppy newborn lounger...new also...for one whole dollar too

sophia loves to sit up in her boppy but can't maintain the position

then the newborn lounger comes in and ta-daa!!! she likes it so far

oh, one thing i probably shouldn't be doing but am...letting her fall asleep during the day in her vibrating chair...she falls asleep everytime the vibration is on but has a much tougher time when the vibration is on

i should probably let her cry it out in the chair but right now, it's nice to know she'll fall asleep and i can rest or read or do something relaxing

and the chair vibration thing is battery run...and i don't mind paying for the batteries :)

non-parents are perfect parents

people told me that you are the perfect parent until you have kids...well, it is very true

i always thought that i would be able to listen to my children cry in their crib during naptime or at night and let them cry it out because it was for their own good

i mean, in the ER when we have to draw a kid's blood or stitches or something that makes them cry, the parents always look at us and say 'how can you do this?' and my reply is always 'because i know that it will help them...it's for their own good'

well, i figured that would translate into parenting and come naturally

how wrong i was

this listening to sophia cry and then sleep and then cry and then sleep and then scream and then sleep is killing me

it is torture :( but i know it is for her own good

but i also know that i will never judge another parent and think that they should let their kid cry longer or just cry it out...because i understand now how hard it truly is to listen to your child cry and have to tell yourself they are learning to sleep in their own bed, and in the end, it is better for everyone involved

so i will just try to occupy myself and pray when she cries...and feed her and change her when she truly needs it

babies, babies everywhere

so yesterday, one of my best friends had her baby

she is the first of my friends to not find out what she was having before birth...crazy

i guess i can't see myself doing that because i want everything prepared and ready for the baby...gender specific :)

but the cones had a baby girl...lina sophia cone

she weighed 6lb 4 oz and measured 19 inches...so about 2 oz more and 1/4 inch more than sophia stangland...crazy

she has a mohawk and huge feet and hands (like her daddy...her big toe is jordan's all the way)

so glad that other people are having babies :) it's exciting and crazy to think that how i grew up with girlfriends and our parents were friends, the same thing will happen with my daughter

oh, about my sophia...she is still getting the hang of the bottle...she is doing ok but makes the craziest, almost disgusted faces when she takes it...but still takes it