the sin called envy

i know that i struggle with being content and appreciating where i am in life and the things i have

i realize that this is one of my struggles...and i try to pray really hard and change this about myself

it still gets me though at times

but God nicely...sometimes not so nicely...reminds me that this is not just a "bad attitude" but is a sin-called envy

today was one of those gentle reminders

i was telling my mom this story of someone i know that cared for a dying relative (an in-law) instead of placing them in a nursing home like their family suggested

this person had no motive other than caring for their family and knew that a nursing home was something this person didn't want

after the relative died, this person found out how much the care was appreciated...in the form of half a million dollars

well, my first reaction was "i don't want anyone to die, but man i could really use half a million right now"

after i told my mom this story, her first response was "that's awesome! i love when God blesses people for caring and loving people and not expecting anything in return. that is so cool."

that bit me in the butt...

i know i won't always necessarily be thankful for where God has me and my family during hard times (which seems to be right now), but i can thank Him for what He is teaching me and look back and learn from tough times

thanks mom for being the person God used to remind me to be thankful and happy for others when God blesses them

toys

sophia LOVES toys...any kind

especially loves tags and anything that sticks off of the toy

for example, her friend lina cone gave her this pretty little pink puppy dog that she loves

her favorite parts of this pink puppy were the ears and tail

in fact, after chewing on the ears for a few hours, they would be sticking straight up (slightly gross to think about)

well, leila...the big grey puppy...must have gotten extra jealous of this little pink puppy because this is what i came home to one day

and i can just imagine what leila was thinking, "so her favorite part is those ears huh? well, we'll see what happens now when i do this" she very neatly and precisely took off both ears, while saving the integrity of the rest of the puppy

poor pink puppy and poor sophia...

discipline

our church has started a Sunday school on the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart"

we are watching a dvd of the author going through his book and expounding on it

i guess i have always thought, "i will know what to do when the time comes"

and i always thought the time would be after sophia was at least 1 year old, or older

well, she proved me wrong the other night

i was feeding her when she started spitting...very happy about it and enjoying herself, but still spitting food out and everywhere

so i told her "no" very firmly

she smiled and spit more

i told her no again...with her name this time

she smiled and spit more

i told her no again...and stopped feeding her for a minute

she laughed at me

and i realized right there how true it is that we are born with a sin nature...she doesn't understand much more than the need for hunger, love, that we love her, and that puppies go "ruff, ruff"

but she knows enough to disobey me and find amusement in it

as i was reading the chapters for this week's class, they keep going over and over how behavior is coming out of the wellspring of life-our heart

and how we as parents need to focus on heart issues, not just changing the behavior that is not desired

i am getting more and more terrified as i read this book...there is no set answer

i kept hoping that somewhere in the chapter that Tedd Tripp would say "and this is how you parent perfectly...or as close as one can get"

but he never did

and as i realized this, i realized how much we are going to have to lean on God to effectively and lovingly parent sophia

i know that i am not perfect, and despite what he thinks-neither is john

but we can lean on the One who is perfect for guidance and the answers to parent sophia to the best of our ability

trusting God

i tend to worry a little bit...in fact, i feel like i have mentioned that on here previously (which is VERY possible :) )

well, i worry a lot of about finances; especially now that i am working part-time and we have sophia

but at the end of every month since the beginning of the year, john and i sit down and write out a budget for the upcoming month

it has helped so much! we weren't crazy spenders but to see exactly what you have at the end of the month and all the "little stuff" that adds up is sometimes ridiculous

so we have been really careful lately (john has done AWESOME with this) and even took cash to IKEA...because who couldn't overspend there??? :)

well, due to the cold weather, our NIPSCO bill is higher than summer time

but i help it stay low by keeping the house cold...and bundling up...now i understand why my dad always said "well go put more layers on if you're cold; it costs money to heat this house" because i tell john that now :)

two months ago we had the highest heating bill since we've lived here...and i thought we were cold

so i tried extra hard, turned off stuff when i could, set the heat at 58 or 60 for the nite (space heater in sophia's room)

the next month's bill was half of that one! yeah! we were excited!

well, today i get the bill for the last month and it says we owe $20...actually $19.47

i have NEVER paid that little for a bill...NEVER

so i called just to make sure that next month i wouldn't be paying them $300 or something

they made an error last month and over charged me...so the correction is this month! :)

thank you God!!! oh me of little faith...and the weather is getting slowly warmer...so less heat being turned on inside :)

bathtime

sophia has been getting her baths in a little bathtub thing that can sit on a sink or in the tub

well, she is getting too big for it

so this week, we began real baths! in the bathtub, with a rubber ducky :)

here she is in all her glory

blessings

i love music-just listening to it or singing...or even trying to dance to it :)

and i love all types of music too...well ok, i HATE country music

i remember a ton of memory verses because i learned them in song form

i love worship time at church! love it! especially when pastor kondo leads it-he has a gift!

today during our worship service, we sang the song "You give and take away"

whenever we sing that song, i always have to stop at the taking away part because i don't know if i could continue to truly thank and bless God if He took certain things away from me-like john or sophia

i shudder just thinking about something happening to either of them...or any of my family for that matter

but during the song today, one of my co-workers from the ER was sitting in the front row and she stood up with her hands raised in what seemed to be a praise to God

no big deal right? well, she has 5 kids and was just diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma and has no clue if it has spread and if so, how far

they have no clue where she will even be able to do treatment around here; she has left work indefinitely

and yet she can continue to worship God...and say "You give AND You take away...my heart will choose to say, blessed be Your Name"

i know that when these things happen, usually people say "it always happens to the good people" and today i started thinking, is that because they are leaning so fully on God that He knows they can handle it? He knows they have the faith and the strength to endure it and testify His glory?

if so, i am not asking for hardship or tragedy but how little is my faith?

and when hard times come, which they will, will i be able to bless His name and lean on Him fully...

sleeping in

i know that it sounds silly to be so excited about something so small, but i got to sleep in today! go sophia!

yesterday she was a crank for most of the day...sleeping just a little and not the best eater either

but as soon as i left for work, she was a bit of an angel for john...of course

then she ate like normal and went to bed about 9:30-like normal

at 4 am she woke up crying, so i turned on her music which helped her go back to sleep

i shut off my alarm, just to see what would happen :)

and she slept until 8:30 am

i never thought i would consider 8:30 sleeping in but that extra half hour was exactly what i needed...and evidently she did too :)