my list of 'nevers'

today in church, i was trying my hardest to listen to the sermon, rock sophia in her carseat (praying she would stay asleep or at least not scream in church), and not be distracted by the kids across the aisle

i was slightly successful-sophia didn't scream :) and i heard most of the sermon

but i was very distracted

these kids were sprawled out on the floor (not horrible), each one had a mountain dew or root beer (24 oz mind you), cell phone to play games on (they only had one so mom had to change seats mid-service so the kids could share), and each kid got up at least once during the service

see, when i was a kid (wow, now i sound old), we were not allowed to get up and exit during service

even when i sat with my friends, i KNEW my parents were watching me and ready to spank me as soon as i got home if i got up or goofed off

and i know i shouldn't do this for fear of it all coming true, but i made a few of my own 'my daughter will nevers' right there

1-she will not drink pop (or have her own beverage until she is responsible enough to not spill it everywhere) in church

2-she will not get up during church

3-she will not be on a cell phone during church

this next one is for me...4-i will not tell my child to 'shut up' (in public at least :) ) like this mom did to her loud children

now after i have this whole thing typed up, i decided to read our small group's chapter for the week from the book 'humility-true greatness' by c. j. mahaney...and feel very bad

i shouldn't judge other families/parents because i am learning and KNOW that i will screw up and other parents will look at me and say 'my child will never do that!'

so i apologize if this is a horribly mean blog...i guess it's my true thoughts

garage saling again

even though it is near the end of september, indiana is once again being indiana and has been in the 80s for the past week...then yesterday and today when mom, sophia, and i go garage saling, it gets cold, overcast, and rainy

oh well, didn't stop us though :)

yesterday we went out for a few hours and i found a diaper sprayer...hooks up to your faucet so you can spray of the poop in the toilet

it was on my list of things to get one day but at $50, i decided to wait...thankfully because it was $3 at the garage sale :)

then at the same garage sale the lady found out we are using cloth diapers and says, 'oh man! i just gave away all my cloth diapers!' :( sad but it turns out the lady she gave them too had two kids she was doing cloth diapers with (go her!!!)

then today i got a little music thing that hooks onto her crib that i have been wanting

but again, at $50, i decided to wait...and got it for $5 :)

and on a note about me, i got a little 'bonus' from work (it is a program where you can do some 'extra' stuff, like volunteer work, being charge nurse during your shift, extra education, etc and then get points for the things you do and in turn get a little extra money)

i wasn't expecting much but i picked up the check this week and it was a whole lot more than i expected!!! so john surprised me and got me a pair of brown slouch boots i have been wanting and this ADORABLE white coat!!! gotta love him!!!

so now sophia and i will be both stylish for winter :)

oh and my mom got a changing table at a garage sale today so now she is set to babysit...and cannot wait to do that :)

singing

well i am trying to occupy myself while sophia cries it out in her crib...it is incredibly hard for me and i have to keep myself very occupied in order to not go pick her up and can it all :(

so i decided to blog and add a video...first one :)

this video is john singing...making it look like sophia is

it's a weezer song and yes, this is john's voice :)

guilt

today i felt guilty

well to be honest i've been feeling guilty about today for the last week...

my good friend amelia had her bachelorette party in fort wayne (about 45 minutes away)

i planned on going but kept feeling guiltier and guiltier as the day approached

how could i call myself a good mom if i plan on leaving my baby? and would she take a bottle? would she cry all night long (or all 4 1/2 hours long) and drive john crazy?

it's one thing for her to cry for me because if i can't find any other answer to her crying, i can always offer her the boob...john can't quite do that one

thankfully i have an excellent husband and he encouraged me to go out with my friends for awhile...he knew he could handle it/her

he did well, a little stressed but a good job

she cried for awhile for him, had a tough time with the bottle, then cried herself to sleep, took another bottle, then when i got home she was laying in her crib just talking and happy

it made me feel a little better about returning to work on october 7th

still nervous but it makes me a little more at ease

so thank you to my wonderful husband who did an excellent job with sophia tonight without me

and thank you to God for answering my prayers that she would not be blood-curdling screaming...because if she had been, i may have cried

and now she's asleep and i'm going to bed too...overall a successful day :)

colds are no fun

so sophia has her first cold :( so sad

last night when she woke up (more than normal), she sounded like she had boogers from her nostrils to the back of her head...so when i used the nose bulb syringe to clear them out, she screamed and screamed and screamed

and any amount of 'it's for your own good sophia' did not help her calm down...eating did though :)

then all day today she has had red-rimmed eyes, runny nose, snotty nose, drooling sometimes, and crying more than normal...poor sophia

i feel bad for her and feel worse that i can't communicate that it will go away soon and she'll be back to normal

oh well, just hoping tonight that she doesn't wake up a ton, and she gets some rest

poor little sophia

bottles again...

i am finding that i spoke a little prematurely...i think

earlier i posted that i found the perfect bottle and she liked it

well, i think she thought it was funny to watch her mom buy the most expensive bottle out there, used it for a few tries, and no more

i tried it the other day and she cried so hard i gave up (i know, i shouldn't have :( ) and let her breastfeed

so the next day i was determined to get through this

we tried the adiri bottle again and she cried so hard she was coughing and tears flowed

i called my mom crying, sure that she would never get a bottle down and i would have to do formula or something (yes, i too can be dramatic)

mom got me through it and told me that she has to do it...which i know

anyway, the next feeding i tried the playtex vented advanced bottle (or whatever it is called)

she took it and seemed to do ok

then today i tried the bottle again, she seemed to take it but afterwards was horrible...crying, wouldn't sleep well, farting, and acting hungry again

after an hour of crying and moaning and groaning, she fell asleep

then ate a TON for the next feeding (breastfeeding because bekah was in the middle of taking pictures and we had no time)

so tomorrow is going to be day #3 of down and dirty bottle feeding with sophia

pray for me that i will make it through and that she will get it down...because i am gone at a bachlorette party on saturday for about 5-6 hours

and then in 3 weeks i am back at work...weird how time flies

we can do this sophia!!! we can do it!!!

fellow moms

i LOVE having other girls (or women i guess i should say) around that are fellow moms

it is fun (somedays) to learn together, and SO SO nice to be able to go through trials and struggles and fun times together

i personally love having other moms around to ask questions of...and then laugh about things later

also, i remember having girlfriends my age growing up and can only imagine how much fun it will be for sophia to have girlfriends in church and school that she grows up with

and think of all the cool 'aunts' and 'uncles' around

in short, i am incredibly glad that God has allowed me to have a group of girlfriends around who are having girls (mainly :) )

this will be one fun adventure

second guessing

so you know how in life you second guess yourself? and you know it probably doesn't matter that much because it's just you

or when you get married, it's you and your husband, but usually you can explain yourself and your second guessing

well, when you have a kid, the second guessing gets worse, way worse

sophia has been having stomach gurgling and not pooping for a few days since she was born...but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few days

but maybe not, i'm not sure

i'm trying a bottle with her each day so when i go back to work my mom doesn't have trouble feeding her

she seemed to be doing okay with the bottle and i gave her one every few days

today was an odd day though...she was a little cranky yesterday and cried so hard she wouldn't take her bottle

so i breastfed her

then today she cried here and there and would only be consoled on my chest or in her vibrating chair

i tried the bottle again after she slept for 2 hours (kinda odd during the day)...she only took like one ounce

then she slept for another hour or so and took 3 ounces over an hour and a half every once and awhile...but cried after a few sips...i burped and burped and burped her

but she just seemed fussy

then after she finally took the bottle, she slept for nearly 3 hours

i don't know...maybe she hates the bottle now (which isn't good)

maybe she's just cranky today

maybe she's sick :(

i don't know...but we have an appointment next week...and i hate second guessing myself when it's my child

hopefully tomorrow is better or at least a little more normal

john's lists of 'nevers'

i know that i have my list of 'nevers'

but they are mainly things that i wouldn't do

well, tonight john brought up his first 'my daughter will never' comment

which of course caused my parents to say, 'write it down! write it down! we want a list of these so when she does them we can laugh at you'

and it made me wonder what my parents said i would never do :)

well, john's comment was about sophia's belly

she has a huge outie of a belly button and i commented that i was going to talk to her pediatrician about if it would one day be an innie or if there was something i can do to make it such

i think it's cute but as a girl, i know i would hate to be in junior high and highschool with a huge outie sticking out under a shirt, or a bathing suit

so john said, 'why does it matter? my daughter will no be showing her belly'

so we have the first one...i wonder what else he thinks will never happen :)

biggest scare of my life

last night, after hanging out with family all day and having a blast, i was getting ready to feed sophia and head to bed
diaper changed, pajamas on, etc
well, her stomach (and mine) have been upset today so i decided to give her some gripe water before she ate (gripe water has ginger, chamomile, and fennel in it and seems to really help)
she took the first 1ml fine, so i gave her another...and she choked and stopped breathing
she turned bugged eyed, red cheeks, purple lips, etc
scared me to death
i pounded her back, turned her over and did back thrusts like you're supposed to
i even tried the little bulb syringe in her mouth...nothing
so i'm crying, running around to get my keys and phone (john was at a friend's)
i get in the car, still pounding on her back and driving with the other hand
thankfully God was watching out and helped her to breath on our way to the ER and kept my way clear (of cops and other stops) as i ran every stop sign and light in between here and the ER
we got to the ER, were taken back quick, and checked out
ps i ran out of the house so fast, i had no shoes on...thankfully amelia loves me and let me borrow hers...i don't recommend going barefoot in hospitals (especially ERs)
she's fine...100% oxygen saturation on room air (which is perfect)
her x-ray was ok too...
and then she decided to get hungry...so she ate and is again sleeping and doing fine
i may not sleep at all tonight but she's ok
and john did go get me the carseat so i was not britney spears on the way home :)
anyway, thankfully God was watching out for us all

the things i swore would never happen

so there were some things in life i swore i would never ever do...or have done to me

and i am starting to think that motherhood is going to make them all happen to me

here are some examples:

1-i would never choose comfort over fashion...yeah that flew out the window when i got pregnant

2-i would never place my hand on my child's chest or finger under her nose to make sure she was still breathing...done that too

3-i would not care about someone's bowel movements...check that one daily too (or every 3 days as she likes to do)

4-i would not wear my pajamas all day...have to confess i have done that numerous times with her lately

5-most importantly i swore i would NEVER EVER EVER get spit up in my mouth...i mean who throws their child up in the air right after eating? well, i didn't throw her up in the air at all but after she ate today, as i was moving her up onto my shoulder to burp, she burped mid-move onto my chest, shirt, arm, face, and my lip

oh it was gross...thankfully it didn't get way in my mouth but gross gross gross

so i am taking back all the things i swore i wouldn't do or have done in hopes of them not happening to me...hopefully sophia will pick up on this new thought pattern i have :)

garage sale finds

i love garage sales!!! well, sometimes...other times i feel like mom and i drive around all day and spend more money on gas then good finds

but today i found some stuff that made it worth it

i got a boppy pillow...new in the bag...for one whole dollar :)

and then i got a boppy newborn lounger...new also...for one whole dollar too

sophia loves to sit up in her boppy but can't maintain the position

then the newborn lounger comes in and ta-daa!!! she likes it so far

oh, one thing i probably shouldn't be doing but am...letting her fall asleep during the day in her vibrating chair...she falls asleep everytime the vibration is on but has a much tougher time when the vibration is on

i should probably let her cry it out in the chair but right now, it's nice to know she'll fall asleep and i can rest or read or do something relaxing

and the chair vibration thing is battery run...and i don't mind paying for the batteries :)

non-parents are perfect parents

people told me that you are the perfect parent until you have kids...well, it is very true

i always thought that i would be able to listen to my children cry in their crib during naptime or at night and let them cry it out because it was for their own good

i mean, in the ER when we have to draw a kid's blood or stitches or something that makes them cry, the parents always look at us and say 'how can you do this?' and my reply is always 'because i know that it will help them...it's for their own good'

well, i figured that would translate into parenting and come naturally

how wrong i was

this listening to sophia cry and then sleep and then cry and then sleep and then scream and then sleep is killing me

it is torture :( but i know it is for her own good

but i also know that i will never judge another parent and think that they should let their kid cry longer or just cry it out...because i understand now how hard it truly is to listen to your child cry and have to tell yourself they are learning to sleep in their own bed, and in the end, it is better for everyone involved

so i will just try to occupy myself and pray when she cries...and feed her and change her when she truly needs it

babies, babies everywhere

so yesterday, one of my best friends had her baby

she is the first of my friends to not find out what she was having before birth...crazy

i guess i can't see myself doing that because i want everything prepared and ready for the baby...gender specific :)

but the cones had a baby girl...lina sophia cone

she weighed 6lb 4 oz and measured 19 inches...so about 2 oz more and 1/4 inch more than sophia stangland...crazy

she has a mohawk and huge feet and hands (like her daddy...her big toe is jordan's all the way)

so glad that other people are having babies :) it's exciting and crazy to think that how i grew up with girlfriends and our parents were friends, the same thing will happen with my daughter

oh, about my sophia...she is still getting the hang of the bottle...she is doing ok but makes the craziest, almost disgusted faces when she takes it...but still takes it