stop and think

for Christmas, my mom got us the book by francis chan 'crazy love'

i started reading it today while everyone is down for their naps (john and leila included)...and i am already humbled by this book

not enough, but it has already gotten me

in the first chapter he has you go to his website www.crazylovebook.com and watch the video 'just stop and think' (it's 15 min and awesome)...so i did

wow! the part that really got me is where he talks about God sending His One and Only Son to die for me...i never fully understood this until i had sophia

i started thinking about it a few months ago when my friend tirza brought up the topic of giving our kids up to God

to be fully honest, i don't know if i could give sophia up...i don't think i could be abraham with isaac

john and i didn't even wait long before we had sophia, it wasn't hard for us to get pregnant...God blessed us there too

but to be asked to give sophia up for the worst of the worst, i couldn't do it, i couldn't

and to realize that God did exactly that...WOW! He sent Jesus to die for me! who slaps Him in the face daily and turns my back on Him

He still did it though; God knew that He would get slapped and rejected and made fun of, but He still sent Jesus to die for me

how humbling...thank you God for loving me that much

Christmas time

you know how you tell your parents something and in their love and excitement they don't listen? well that was my parents this Christmas :)

we told them that since we have a small house (with little to no storage space) and sophia could care less about presents right now, we don't need much for her (if anything)

i mean, to be honest john and i didn't get her anything...i know, we're horrible parents

but sophia got lots of things...clothes (which are so cute!), shoes, hats, a stuffed puppy that plays music, etc., a pelican that tells her numbers, shapes, and colors in french/spanish/english (this i did ask for), ornaments...and the list goes on and on and on

at least we know our little girl is loved-a LOT :)

so thank you to nanna myra, poppy, nanna cate, papa mark, papa lee, all the aunts and uncles, great-aunts/uncles, and great-grandparents...sophia now has more things than she could possibly think to do with (in fact, we call her exersaucer her 'harem of toys' right now)

travelin man

these last few weeks have been LONG-in both good and bad ways

we traveled from the 18th to the 24th to south carolina to see my family and friends...it was great to see people! seeing old friends and their kids/families was awesome!

we got to see all my dad's brothers and grandpa t...that was fun and seemed to encourage my grandpa (his alzheimer's is getting worse :( )

then we went over to florence, south carolina to see my mom's family

we got to see everyone on that side except uncle mike and his kids :( but it was great to see everyone else!!!

then we made it home in a one day LONG stretch...sophia was fine until we hit indianapolis (about 2 1/2 - 3 hours from home) then she really lost it about 15 min from home and NOTHING would pacify her :( poor little one! but a 12 hour stretch was impressive for her

the bad part was sophia started teething while on our trip...which has gotten more intense over the past few days resulting in crankiness, diarrhea, and harder nap times

but good news, i think she is back to sleeping through the nite! oh i missed that!

sophia-1, mommy-0

you know those times you really work hard at getting your kid all cute and adorable? because you know that tons and tons of people are going to be seeing them??? well, today was one of those days...we are in aiken, south carolina to see all my family and friends

first time for sophia and first time since our wedding for john

anyway, i got a really cute dress for sophia and had her all dressed up

i even waited until the very LAST minute to dress her in case she spit up

so we walk into church as it's getting ready to start, say hi to a very few people, take out seats, and during the second song, sophia poops out her diaper all down john's hands!!!

of course this would happen this way! then i had to change her into the back-up outift that was just cute pants and onesie (still cute because it's sophia but still, not the dress)

anyway, i'm not sure if it was sophia telling me she didn't like her outfit or God telling me it doesn't matter what my kid wears, or what...but score one sophia!

and everyone did still love her...and it was great to see everyone here in aiken!

and the 50 degree weather didn't hurt either :)

5 months!!!

so my little girl is 5 months old...well, in about 7 hours she will be

man, these past 5 months have flown by! i never believed people, but now i do!

she is growing too...about 16 pounds and 25 inches (rough measurements since she was not happy when nanna myra was trying to do this to her)

she loves her exersaucer (or as tirza calls it 'the big plastic thing'...which is so true)

she can see people now and definitely recognizes john and i as special :)

she may be teething soon...anything that comes close to her mouth, or within reach to shove into her mouth, goes into her mouth; she's drooling, and a little clingy/fussy...we'll see

she can almost sit up by herself but not quite there

she loves to talk and talk and talk, and be naked too

still battling the not pooping more than every 5 days...i'm content b/c she seems to be content but others are not...so we'll see what happens

this morning i found sophia not in the middle of the crib where i put her the night before but over against one of the sides

thankfully there is nothing in the crib with her and the bumpers are breathable...but she's moving

in fact, sunday night we were at a small group gathering and sophia was in her carseat, on top or a blanket, while we were eating

all of a sudden, i hear someone laughing and look over...sophia has been planting her feet and arching her back to the point that the only thing left in the carseat (which was now tilted in the air) was her head and shoulders...which she thought was awesome!

guess she can't be unsupervised at all anymore! but i love it!

each day brings something new, and causes me to love her that much more!

laughter

you always hear 'laughter is the best medicine' and so many studies have been done to prove this theory...or at least how laughing daily helps to decrease your stress, which in turn helps your blood pressure, heart rate, etc

and it's true; laughing is so much fun and does make you feel happier all around

we had our small group party today/tonight

john, sophia, and i are so blessed to have this small group

we have learned, grown, cried, worked, and laughed with these people for the past 2 years

it has been an awesome journey!

this year, we decided as a small group to adopt a family through our local combined community services (which helps coordinate services to the community by local churches instead of each church trying to do its own thing all the time...awesome concept!)

so we collected money, got wish lists from our family, split up at wal-mart, shopped, bugged the poor cashier lady who had to swipe every bill we gave her to make sure it wasn't fake (yes, we paid all cash :) ), wrapped the presents, ate GOOD food, then had a white elephant/yankee swap game

it's always fun to see what people will bring to white elephant gift exchanges

this year included some tacky decorating signs, a drew carey bobble head, a laser pointer, leopard print cappuchino cups, elephant skin, and a home made mouse catcher...we laughed the entire time!

and what's even cooler is to look back on a year ago when we did this same thing...we had 10 couples, one baby, and three babies on the way

this year we have 8 couples, 3 babies, and 2 babies on the way

it is so much fun to experience life with these couples (i should probably say families now :) )...and it's even more fun to laugh with them!

oh ye of little faith

so lately i have been worrying more than usual

i guess i've told myself it's ok because i'm a new mom, i've cut back on work substantially (which means cut back on pay), i have new responsibilities at work and home, etc

well, i have no excuses

i know i worry and it's not right

i need to trust God more

and He's been proving that to me over and over again lately

a few quick examples:

-our van

first off, God blessed us by practically giving us this van; see my grandpa taylor has alzheimer's and had been saying last Christmas 'sometimes i just want to take my keys and go driving'

not a good idea when he has forgotten most things already; so his sons (including my dad) decided the van should probably be taken away...so we bought it...huge blessing from God because it was in great shape and cheap

well, it started acting up recently...we took it in and what we thought was a few hundred dollars problem at the most turned out to be over a grand and it needed more fixes if we were going to drive it far...like driving it to South Carolina this Christmas

unfortunately my grandpa's alzheimer's has gotten worse and he's been very upset lately about whoever took his van from him...so we can't drive it and risk him seeing it...thank you God for this blessing in disguise

-our dishwasher

about two months ago our dishwasher took a poop

we have been fixing up our house and most of our appliances are black...except for the dishwasher and fridge, but both work fine so why replace them?

when the dishwasher broke, i told myself we didn't need one, and we didn't

but God knew i wanted one...and my parents went above and beyond and surprised me for Christmas and my birthday and bought me a black one...one john and i had looked at :)

thanks God!

-our stove

then about a week after the new dishwasher was installed, i tried to bake a pumpkin roll (for work) and banana bread (for fun)

after the oven had been at 375 degrees for an hour, i noticed it didn't seem very hot...in fact, i could touch the oven racks...not a good sign

we called a place that said if we brought it to them it would be, at the cheapest, $100...if they came here, well over that

well, i kind of need an oven...so we asked dad to take a peek at it...he didn't have any ideas either

except that idea that someone in their church fixes ovens for a living

he came over today, after being at his real job all day, looked at the oven, told us that what the store on the phone had thought it would be wasn't the actual problem...looks like instead of a few hundred dollars, it's about a $12 part! amazing!

God, You are awesome! thank You for providing every step of the way!

these are moments i need to see more often...because i know they happen more than i realize!

just when you think...

just when you think you know what you're doing, your child decides to show you you're not

i have been trying to get sophia on a routine--eat, wake for a bit, sleep for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, wake, eat, and so on and so forth

she has fought the length of the naps sometimes...but nothing like today

her first nap, she slept for 2 hours without making a peep...tricked me here

then the second nap, she was up within an hour and SCREAMING...she continued to do so for about 25 min before i finally picked her up and changed her diaper

back to bed only to cry for another 15 min before i just finally picked her up and went on with the day

then after her 4 pm feeding, she did the same exact thing...of course this time while i am in the middle of baking and my oven decided to take a poop

so i rushed to mom's, baked my goods, let them play with sophia for a bit, then came home

she ate like usual and went to bed...only to scream and scream and scream

so i tried to change her outift, her diaper...which i even moved up a notch to help her fat little thighs have some extra breathing room...burped her more, tried to feed her again

and then the same exact thing when i put her down again...angry screaming

so i tried feeding her for a third time...which she did for almost an hour and then FINALLY fell asleep

maybe she was just suckling for comfort, i'm not sure, but she finally fell asleep after that

i am scared she may be teething...anything that comes near her little hands goes straight into her mouth...and she gnaws on it like there's no tomorrow

who knows...but everytime i think i have this child figured out and a routine down, she has to show me who's boss...or at least that i'm not

guess she's just God's built in humility lesson for me

thanksgiving

this time of year, everyone talks about what they are thankful for...it seems to be the thing to do

well last year, i was more panicky than thankful...although the thankfulness came shortly thereafter

last year on thanksgiving day, i had this weird feeling i needed to take a pregnancy test-no reason, just a feeling

so i told john i needed to shower, went into the bathroom, and peed on a stick

lo and behold it came up positive...like really quickly positive

they tell you to wait two minutes to read it, but within 30 seconds it was positive

i just stood there...we had been trying and i should have been jumping up and down, but i had no clue what to do right then

and you know how in your head you have all these cute ways to tell your husband...like becky on 'full house' did? well, they left my head at that moment

so i asked john to come to the bathroom...he was in the middle of installing our kitchen cabinets

finally i convinced him to walk into the bedroom and all i could think of to say was 'is this positive?' needless to say he just stood there and stared at me

then we were both excited

we waited about a week (john claims it was 3 weeks) to tell anyone...which was 10 times harder for john than it was for me

and now this year we are so thankful everytime we look at our little bundle of joy

i guess this year i am more thankful than i think i've ever been before! thank you God for my little sophia and all the joy she gives us day after day!

God moments

normally when i go grocery shopping, i am quite organized-list, bags to put groceries in, time it so sophia will be napping, etc

well, today God had other plans

i had a list, and bags, and sophia was close to napping...in fact she fell asleep on the way to our first stop-sherman & lins (our local scratch 'n' dent store)

i usually find most everything i need there..and for cheaper

not today though...i found one whole item on my list

waste of gas if you ask me

so i then headed to aldi's...sophia is still sleeping in her carseat while cuddling her stuffed puppy dog :) so cute and of course i had forgotten my camera at home

i get to aldi''s and all if goshen's amish community seemed to be there...along with the rest of warsaw

i walked in the doors and sophia woke up...but was thankfully happy and cute, so i talked to her as i did my shopping (now i have an excuse to talk to myself :) )

as i found my final items and got in line (which i might add was enormous), two people cut in line as i was getting my now fussy baby out of her carseat

i was slightly annoyed but something about holding a cute little baby girl made me not care that much

when i was done and paid, we went out to the car

sophia continued to be cranky if i put her in the carseat...so i held her (God's idea)

see normally when i shop, i park right next to the cart area so when i'm done i can load her in her carseat and the groceries all in the car, put the cart up, and head home...not today

since she was fussy i held her, put the groceries in the car, and for some odd reason decided to take her along when i put the cart up

as i push the door to the van closed, i then decide to check which pocket i put my keys in...none of them...i locked us out of the car

on a normal day when everything would have gone according to my plan, i would have locked her in her carseat in the car too

God thankfully had a different plan for today and allowed me to only lock my purse and groceries in the car

my mom then came to the rescue with a spare key a little while later and reminded me that thankfully God made me continue holding sophia while i locked the van up

so thank you God for 'messing things up' so that sophia and i weren't crying on opposite sides of the van door in 40 degree weather!

new things

every time my dad, my mom, john's mom or dad, or anyone close to us that goes about 4 or 5 days without seeing sophia says 'wow! she has changed so much!'

i tend to not see the little changes that happen every day as sophia grows

i can tell she is growing as she grows out of diapers and clothes, but not the little inches

but i do notice when she does new things

for instance, earlier this week i was folding laundry on the couch with her next to me on her activity mat

well i looked at her at one point to interact with her and she was on her side...crazy

then she has decided that it is fun to grab anything and everything that her little hands get near

she grabs any toy that is within her line of vision

she grabs my shirt every time she nurses and stretches it as far as she can and lets go (as if it will snap me :) )

she grabs her toys when i change her diaper

she grabs her pacifier every time it goes in her mouth...which can be problematic when she then pulls it out

she grabs hair and john's beard (which he tells me does not feel very good)

it is a lot of fun to see these things happen, especially as she becomes more interactive...which is SOOO much fun

needless to say, with each new thing she does, i fall deeper in love with her

genetics

you know those times in your life when you stop and go, "oh crap! that's something my mom (or dad) does!"

what's even worse is when your dad laughs out loud and says "did you just do that? your mom used to do that all the time!"

guess i'm more like my mom than i thought

see, when i am about ready to nurse sophia, i check to see which side is fuller and start her on that side

the way i check is to just test with my arms (so i'm not grabbing myself in public...sorry, but true)

well i guess that's EXACTLY what my mom used to do before she nursed us when we were little...and i guess i do the EXACT same thing that she did

so weird

i know i look like my mom and at times i hear myself say something that sounds just like her too

then i watch john and see things that he does and it is so like his dad

like when john tells a story, he leans forward...if there is a table nearby, he leans on it too

john's dad does this too (it is fun for me to watch and see this :) )

i wonder what parts of me sophia will get?

screamer

sophia has discovered the joys of her own voice...mainly in the high pitch scream sense

she is almost always happy when she is screaming

and she cannot get enough of it either...if you lay her on her back or talk to her, she gets happier and louder

it is actually quite fun to hear her scream in happiness

here's a short clip of it...and funnily enough, she is quieter on video

she seems to like to freeze up on camera

4 month birthday!!!

so 4 months ago, we became parents

and ever since then, we've had a ton of fun watching sophia grow and develop

some of the things she has started doing lately are even more fun

she can laugh now...only does it when she feels like it but it's so much fun when she does

she loves the sound of her scream, so she does it often :)

she grabs everything in sight and brings it straight to her mouth

she can sit up in her bumbo and exersaucer...and love both (which is awesome because i can do the dishes, do my hair, or get ready to go :)

every once in awhile, she can sit up by herself for a few seconds

she loves to see everything around her

she is recognizing people...which is fun for us and of course my parents :)

sophia is a little joy, and we can't wait for the next 4 months

sleeper

sophia does not like to sleep with covers on her

sophia does not like to be swaddled

when we brought her home from the hospital, she liked to be held

but she cried everytime we would swaddle her up all tight and exactly like the nurses say that babies like to be swaddled

she would cry and cry until she got her arms free...and then sleep the day or night away

whether it was a nap or at night or in her swing or wherever, she would wiggle and wiggle until her arms got free

at night, she is still this way

i have to make sure she is truly sleeping and then tuck a blanket around her body...under her arms

if i do this, she sleeps like a baby and is content

if i try to bring her arms down and cover them up, she wakes up and cries until she gets them free

in the morning when i get her, i wonder if she even moves at night...if she doesn't, she may be taking after her daddy wen he's really really tired :)

exersaucer

during this past summer, as we excitedly anticipated the arrival of our little sophia, my mom and i hit the yard sales...and hit them hard!

for the first time ever, i, rachel stangland, went to a yard sale before it was supposed to be open

the newspaper said 8am, and it also said 'exersaucer'

unfortunately i had a doctor's appointment 45 minutes away at 8:30 am

so i went to the yard sale at 7:45 am and slowly walked up...since the garage was open...and asked if i could look a little early because of my appointment

well the girls running it were awesome and let me look around

and i got my exersaucer! and funny part 3 of my friends with little kids have the same exact exersaucer

we hadn't used it and it was getting annoying in the shed as it takes up so much space

since she was sitting up perfectly in the bumbo and liking it, i decided to pull it out and give it a go

well, she likes it

she loves the part on it that spins

she gets all excited and spins it and closes her eyes every time in surprise of the noise...so cute

although it was not that cute when she spit up on the spinning thing and continued to spin it, getting spit up everywhere

but at least she smiled during the whole time :)

here's one of her most frequent looks while sitting in the exersaucer

the buck

one of the many things that has happened in the last week and a half is that john shot himself a buck with his bow

he has been incredibly busy with school and work and had about two days that he could hunt

God must have known this because the second day he went out this season, he got a buck!

as he tells the story, he was in his tree stand, about to fall asleep, when he heard a noise

he looked down and saw a buck...looking at him

he had to get his bow ready, which meant he had to pull down his facemask, hook his release on his bow, and pull the arrow back...all without the buck hearing him

well, God must have been wanting john to get this buck bad...because the buck did not see or hear him at all

john shot the deer; unfortunately, he spined the buck, but john got down and shot the deer again...and killed him

so now we have good, organic, all natural deer meat filling our freezer up!

which means i now have to learn how to cook deer meat

catch-up

i have not been on here in forever...who knows why

probably between work, my baby girl, my husband, a broken dishwasher and broken car, and being a mom, i guess i've let some little things slip :)

it's been a fun few weeks since halloween

sophia is almost 4 months old...this sunday marks that event

i cannot believe that 4 months has passed

i love being sophia's mom and watching her as she grows

she is a gorgeous little girl, and i feel blessed to be her mom

john and i have so much fun with her

in fact, this week john got her to laugh

of course we didn't catch it on video...we caught the little noises that are her attempt to laugh, and then hiccup

it was so much fun and john and i were laughing even harder than she was

what a cute little girl she is! here's her laughing...or right after laughing and trying to recreate it

Happy Halloween everyone!!!

so we didn't really trick or treat at all...i guess when kids are this age, the only purpose for trick or treating is 1-because they are so darn cute in their outfits and 2-the parents want candy :)

but since she had an outfit and looked so cute in it, i dressed her up

we only went down to the boathouse, a local restaurant that both bekah and kristen work at

she made the rounds there...the kitchen, the waiters and waitresses, the busboys, random people who came in and happened to know my mom, etc

and of course, melody had some candy there for anyone who stopped by, so i stole some :)

we had fun and sophia was cute

maybe next year when she's up and walking it will be slightly entertaining for her too...still more for the cuteness but a little more for her sake

ps sophia's costume was a lion if you can't tell...and it said 'roar' on it and had a tail

cleaning

the past few days, i have been looking at the house as i walk through the rooms and noticing the dust, dirty dishes, piles of laundry, etc

so today when sophia went down for her afternoon nap, i went into attack mode

well, i got side-tracked

see, yesterday my wonderful mother-in-law got me uggs :) that i have wanted forever

it is an early birthday + Christmas present

anyway, i needed to bear grease and bake them to weather-proof them

but as i opened the stove to put them in, i realized that the oven was filthy...so i cleaned the oven

then i went on to the top of the oven

then i did the floors (sweep and mop)

then the bathrooms

then i dusted

i still have to vacuum but sophia is thinking of sleeping so i may put that off...we'll see, she likes the sound of it for some reason :)

now i just have about 10,000 loads of laundry to do...i hate folding laundry, but i will get there...time to throw in another load :)

i can sleep easy tonight

favorites

in motherhood, i have found a few things that are my favorites...little things that sophia does, intentionally or unintentially, that make me smile more than anything

here are a few: her squeals when she is on her changing table (for some reason she loves her changing table)

the way she touches me while she nurses, just very gentle and so cute

when she gets tired and is nursing, she smiles, this wide toothless grin with her eyes closed-so so cute

how her left sock always seems to come off, no matter how many times i put it back on her

her happy sounds when she talks to herself in her crib...not when she cries, but when she is happy about it

and my favorite of all, when i got home from work today and said hello to her, she got the biggest smile of all-that's right, she loves me :)

ode to moms

i know it's not mother's day or even parent's day or anything like that

however, it was my mom's birthday this past saturday, the 17th...her 50th birthday

of course that meant presents and cards...and i'm not a good one about short cards when it comes to family/loved ones

so i wrote her a long note...one i really meant too

i wrote it right after i fed sophia and put her to bed

and as i held her in my arms, i started crying...i cry easily and even easier now that i've been pregnant and a mom

i love my little girl, more than i can express

even though i've given up a lot, or it feels like i have somedays, it's all worth it for this precious little girl

and as i wrote my mom her birthday note, i realized that i don't think i ever truly appreciated my mom until i became a mom

now i understand a little of what she's done as a mom...she's given up her pre-baby body, 4 times over

she's given up hours upon hours of sleep

she's given up things she wanted because we felt that what we wanted was way more important

i've already cried for sophia for the hurt i know someday she'll go through-kids making fun of her, when she's hurt, when the first boy she likes dumps her or ignores her, when she doesn't feel she did well in school/sports/music/etc.

i can't imagine being my mom and having gone through and still probably going through 4 girls and all their hurt

so to all moms everywhere, kudos for all you do in the name of your kids

you should be honored way more often than you are...thanks for all you do, have done, and will do

spit up

my little girl is not a spitter...usually

she typically takes forever to just burp-sometimes between 10 and 15 minutes in fact

well, today, after she woke up after 10 hours of sleeping :) she ate and then i changed her diaper and her outfit

then i set her up on the couch and started talking to her

and then came the projectile spit up...all over herself, her outfit, me, and the couch

she still seemed happy though

so i changed her out of her cute outfit, bathed her, and then set her back on the couch to talk to her again...and she spit up all over herself again

and started smiling and talking

then came the second outfit change

she didn't spit up much after that...not much

how does she gain weight? it is beyond me

and i would have thought she was sick except for she smiled, talked, cooed, and squawked so loud she couldn't have been unhappy

silly little sophia

3 months!!!

my baby girl has hit the three month mark...where did all this time go???????

you know how everyone tells you, 'it flies by'? well, it does

i mean, on one hand i feel like i just had her, but then on the other hand, i feel like it was ages ago

here are some of the things she is doing now/new

-holding her head up by herself more and more

-grabbing things, her pacifier and my hair are the favorites right now

-actually smiling when it's appropriate and at people

-talking a little...it's better than screaming (and no, no words, just sounds...but they are the cutest sounds i've ever heard)

-sleeping through the night...most nights and she'll wake up sometimes but cries herself back to sleep...nice for us

-finally fitting into 0-3 months clothing :)

-sucking on her first...or at least the thumb side of her first

-moved herself to a 4 hour feeding schedule which makes it nice for me as far as planning and scheduling goes

we love our little girl and love watching as she changes...it's crazy

i'll post some more pictures later...when i get them uploaded :)

the effect of a grandchild

i may have already said this somewhere in a past blog, but my mom is babysitting for us...THANKS MOM!!! she is awesome!!!

it puts me at ease so much knowing that i am dropping off sophia to a trusted and loving person who loves her more than anyone i know (other than john and i :) )

i was dreading it i admit, even though it was with my mom

but i don't even feel like i have to call and check up on them...i do of course but i know i don't have to :)

and let me tell you what, since having sophia, i am starting to see that i think the only reason people have children is so that one day they can have grandchildren...it is true

i've never seen my parents get like this...i didn't know it was possible for them to get even crazier!

sophia will never ever need clothes-believe me! in fact, i'm not sure how she will wear everything she has now...maybe if we change outfits three times a day

then there's the meeting us at the car

man, they barely used to open the door for john and i...now we pull up and someone is waiting outside for us

not kidding, i pulled up to their house one time and my dad was waiting outside, joanna heard us and ran out the front door and my dad says 'jo i was waiting out here for her'

it reminded me of when you're a kid and you want to sit in the front seat and you tell your sibling, 'i was waiting first'

it made john and i laugh so hard

it also makes me realize how much they love me...i mean if they love sophia this much, they must love me and my siblings at least a little bit

and as i hold sophia and get so excited over the little things she does, i can't imagine loving anyone (besides john) more than i love her

needless to say, it has been fun having a little girl and watching the effect she has on her grandparents

i forgot about leila

i was so worried and concerned and feeling major guilt about leaving sophia and going back to work...i made all these arrangements with my mom, we got together to talk about her schedule as far as eating, being awake, and sleeping

i got a diaper bag all ready for mom; got extra tylenol and diaper rash cream for her; wrote out the amounts of medicine she gets, etc, etc

in all my preparations to get things arranged for sophia, i forgot about my other child~leila

the night before i went back to work, i realized that leila would be alone indoors for about 6-7 hours

john and i agreed that she should be ok and i would give her a treat or something bigger before i left before i went to work

so i did that the last two days

yesterday, she was fine-no mess, just excited to see us

today, well that's a different story

the pictures should tell the story...the first picture is what the left one still looks like

the second is what john found on our bed when he got home

all i have to say is, i loved these boots despite the fact that they were a little old and worn

they were the perfect pair to wear when you needed to just go or throw on with an outfit...hand me down boots from my sister and i loved them

i know that people say that dogs have a 30 second memory span or whatever, but i swear when i yelled at her she knew EXACTLY why i was yelling

guess i shouldn't have trusted her, even after 2 years of no accidents :(

we survived!!!

first day of work done and both sophia and i survived!!! thanks to everyone who prayed for us

she had a great day with mom and even took 3 oz from the bottle for her

in talking to john i think that she just won't take the bottle from me...in his words, 'she knows you can give her the real thing'

mom picked her up this morning at about 8:30 after she ate then i went to work at 9

i called at 11:30 and she was doing fine...about to eat

sidenote-pumping outside your house is slightly awkward...even if you are in a locked office

then on my way home to get her, i had a voicemail, so i checked it and it was my mom asking if she was supposed to feed her again or wait for me (at about 3:15ish) and sophia was crying in the background

that made me feel so bad and i sped the whole way to mom's house (well first i had to stop at my house and get the carseat i forgot)

but we both survived...i thought i would cry but i didn't

i did want to call about every hour or so but i didn't let myself...my mom did have a few kids and they turned out decent (or at least semi-normal :) )

so thanks to everyone who prayed for us...we survived...now to do it again tomorrow :)

this will be a week of firsts

i have been both excited and dreading this week for a long time now...this is the week i go back to work

not only am i leaving my baby girl, i am starting a new job

yes, it's part-time but it's away from sophia which is killing me

i am giving myself extra time on wednesday because i am sure i will cry on my way to work

the longest i have been away from her is 5 hours...and i called about every 30 minutes to check on her

but my boss said depending on the day and where i'm at, she can come in for a feeding/lunch :)

i know my mom will do an excellent job with her and have tons of fun, but i feel so guilty

also, i was in a wedding this past weekend, so john watched her and brought her to me in between stuff happening for feedings and such

it was a long day for everyone...john said she knows when i leave and cries

so it will take some adjusting on her part to not having me around 24/7 and on my part to let her go :( but the guilt is bad

another first she had this week was nursery...now she slept through most of it but our pager did not go off in church and make me leave very quickly

it was nice to listen to the full sermon and not worry about her screaming or waking up during pastor larry's crucial point :)

i know that i will live through wednesday, i'm just dreading it horribly

fall=beginning of coldness

i grew up in south carolina, and africa...warm places

i like warm places

in fact, i rarely turn on the air conditioning...i don't like humidity that much but i love being warm or even hot

i've lived in indiana for over 9 years now and i still don't like the cold

sure the first snow is pretty, but that's about it

then they plow it and it turns grey from mixing with dirt, and it's in huge piles and gross looking

then there's the stain of salt on your shoes and the bottom of your pants and in the house

and the million and one layers you have to wear just to walk outside

now i will stop complaining about the cold...some people just aren't meant for it

i always feel for john's dad who wears his long sleeve shirt and moccasins year round (no joke)

i do love the changing of colors for fall but then it just gets colder and colder

i wonder if there's a place that you get to see the changing of the colors and then it goes back to warmness? hmm, maybe i'll try to find that place

on to sophia-she was 11 weeks old yesterday...craziness i tell you

she is really starting to hold her own head up

she is making lots of noises, more than just screeches now (thankfully)

she is almost 12 whole pounds

she is sleeping through the night most nights (she has cried a few times but i have allowed her to cry it out and we've both slept better)

now we are working on moving up her last feeding so that we can both be in bed earlier...tonight she will eat for the last time at 9pm...then hopefully sleep until 5am, her first feeding of the day

she is grabbing things like crazy and really focusing on stuff

she smiles appropriately now (so much fun)

still doesn't poop more than every 4-5 days (kind of nice with cloth diapers though, i won't lie)

she is starting to like baths and tummy time...a little bit

she is doing much better with the bottle, i'm just hoping she'll start to take more at a time...but when she realizes that is the only way when i'm at work, i think she might :)

now that i have rambled a ton, time to go play with my little girl

my list of 'nevers'

today in church, i was trying my hardest to listen to the sermon, rock sophia in her carseat (praying she would stay asleep or at least not scream in church), and not be distracted by the kids across the aisle

i was slightly successful-sophia didn't scream :) and i heard most of the sermon

but i was very distracted

these kids were sprawled out on the floor (not horrible), each one had a mountain dew or root beer (24 oz mind you), cell phone to play games on (they only had one so mom had to change seats mid-service so the kids could share), and each kid got up at least once during the service

see, when i was a kid (wow, now i sound old), we were not allowed to get up and exit during service

even when i sat with my friends, i KNEW my parents were watching me and ready to spank me as soon as i got home if i got up or goofed off

and i know i shouldn't do this for fear of it all coming true, but i made a few of my own 'my daughter will nevers' right there

1-she will not drink pop (or have her own beverage until she is responsible enough to not spill it everywhere) in church

2-she will not get up during church

3-she will not be on a cell phone during church

this next one is for me...4-i will not tell my child to 'shut up' (in public at least :) ) like this mom did to her loud children

now after i have this whole thing typed up, i decided to read our small group's chapter for the week from the book 'humility-true greatness' by c. j. mahaney...and feel very bad

i shouldn't judge other families/parents because i am learning and KNOW that i will screw up and other parents will look at me and say 'my child will never do that!'

so i apologize if this is a horribly mean blog...i guess it's my true thoughts

garage saling again

even though it is near the end of september, indiana is once again being indiana and has been in the 80s for the past week...then yesterday and today when mom, sophia, and i go garage saling, it gets cold, overcast, and rainy

oh well, didn't stop us though :)

yesterday we went out for a few hours and i found a diaper sprayer...hooks up to your faucet so you can spray of the poop in the toilet

it was on my list of things to get one day but at $50, i decided to wait...thankfully because it was $3 at the garage sale :)

then at the same garage sale the lady found out we are using cloth diapers and says, 'oh man! i just gave away all my cloth diapers!' :( sad but it turns out the lady she gave them too had two kids she was doing cloth diapers with (go her!!!)

then today i got a little music thing that hooks onto her crib that i have been wanting

but again, at $50, i decided to wait...and got it for $5 :)

and on a note about me, i got a little 'bonus' from work (it is a program where you can do some 'extra' stuff, like volunteer work, being charge nurse during your shift, extra education, etc and then get points for the things you do and in turn get a little extra money)

i wasn't expecting much but i picked up the check this week and it was a whole lot more than i expected!!! so john surprised me and got me a pair of brown slouch boots i have been wanting and this ADORABLE white coat!!! gotta love him!!!

so now sophia and i will be both stylish for winter :)

oh and my mom got a changing table at a garage sale today so now she is set to babysit...and cannot wait to do that :)

singing

well i am trying to occupy myself while sophia cries it out in her crib...it is incredibly hard for me and i have to keep myself very occupied in order to not go pick her up and can it all :(

so i decided to blog and add a video...first one :)

this video is john singing...making it look like sophia is

it's a weezer song and yes, this is john's voice :)

guilt

today i felt guilty

well to be honest i've been feeling guilty about today for the last week...

my good friend amelia had her bachelorette party in fort wayne (about 45 minutes away)

i planned on going but kept feeling guiltier and guiltier as the day approached

how could i call myself a good mom if i plan on leaving my baby? and would she take a bottle? would she cry all night long (or all 4 1/2 hours long) and drive john crazy?

it's one thing for her to cry for me because if i can't find any other answer to her crying, i can always offer her the boob...john can't quite do that one

thankfully i have an excellent husband and he encouraged me to go out with my friends for awhile...he knew he could handle it/her

he did well, a little stressed but a good job

she cried for awhile for him, had a tough time with the bottle, then cried herself to sleep, took another bottle, then when i got home she was laying in her crib just talking and happy

it made me feel a little better about returning to work on october 7th

still nervous but it makes me a little more at ease

so thank you to my wonderful husband who did an excellent job with sophia tonight without me

and thank you to God for answering my prayers that she would not be blood-curdling screaming...because if she had been, i may have cried

and now she's asleep and i'm going to bed too...overall a successful day :)

colds are no fun

so sophia has her first cold :( so sad

last night when she woke up (more than normal), she sounded like she had boogers from her nostrils to the back of her head...so when i used the nose bulb syringe to clear them out, she screamed and screamed and screamed

and any amount of 'it's for your own good sophia' did not help her calm down...eating did though :)

then all day today she has had red-rimmed eyes, runny nose, snotty nose, drooling sometimes, and crying more than normal...poor sophia

i feel bad for her and feel worse that i can't communicate that it will go away soon and she'll be back to normal

oh well, just hoping tonight that she doesn't wake up a ton, and she gets some rest

poor little sophia

bottles again...

i am finding that i spoke a little prematurely...i think

earlier i posted that i found the perfect bottle and she liked it

well, i think she thought it was funny to watch her mom buy the most expensive bottle out there, used it for a few tries, and no more

i tried it the other day and she cried so hard i gave up (i know, i shouldn't have :( ) and let her breastfeed

so the next day i was determined to get through this

we tried the adiri bottle again and she cried so hard she was coughing and tears flowed

i called my mom crying, sure that she would never get a bottle down and i would have to do formula or something (yes, i too can be dramatic)

mom got me through it and told me that she has to do it...which i know

anyway, the next feeding i tried the playtex vented advanced bottle (or whatever it is called)

she took it and seemed to do ok

then today i tried the bottle again, she seemed to take it but afterwards was horrible...crying, wouldn't sleep well, farting, and acting hungry again

after an hour of crying and moaning and groaning, she fell asleep

then ate a TON for the next feeding (breastfeeding because bekah was in the middle of taking pictures and we had no time)

so tomorrow is going to be day #3 of down and dirty bottle feeding with sophia

pray for me that i will make it through and that she will get it down...because i am gone at a bachlorette party on saturday for about 5-6 hours

and then in 3 weeks i am back at work...weird how time flies

we can do this sophia!!! we can do it!!!

fellow moms

i LOVE having other girls (or women i guess i should say) around that are fellow moms

it is fun (somedays) to learn together, and SO SO nice to be able to go through trials and struggles and fun times together

i personally love having other moms around to ask questions of...and then laugh about things later

also, i remember having girlfriends my age growing up and can only imagine how much fun it will be for sophia to have girlfriends in church and school that she grows up with

and think of all the cool 'aunts' and 'uncles' around

in short, i am incredibly glad that God has allowed me to have a group of girlfriends around who are having girls (mainly :) )

this will be one fun adventure

second guessing

so you know how in life you second guess yourself? and you know it probably doesn't matter that much because it's just you

or when you get married, it's you and your husband, but usually you can explain yourself and your second guessing

well, when you have a kid, the second guessing gets worse, way worse

sophia has been having stomach gurgling and not pooping for a few days since she was born...but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few days

but maybe not, i'm not sure

i'm trying a bottle with her each day so when i go back to work my mom doesn't have trouble feeding her

she seemed to be doing okay with the bottle and i gave her one every few days

today was an odd day though...she was a little cranky yesterday and cried so hard she wouldn't take her bottle

so i breastfed her

then today she cried here and there and would only be consoled on my chest or in her vibrating chair

i tried the bottle again after she slept for 2 hours (kinda odd during the day)...she only took like one ounce

then she slept for another hour or so and took 3 ounces over an hour and a half every once and awhile...but cried after a few sips...i burped and burped and burped her

but she just seemed fussy

then after she finally took the bottle, she slept for nearly 3 hours

i don't know...maybe she hates the bottle now (which isn't good)

maybe she's just cranky today

maybe she's sick :(

i don't know...but we have an appointment next week...and i hate second guessing myself when it's my child

hopefully tomorrow is better or at least a little more normal

john's lists of 'nevers'

i know that i have my list of 'nevers'

but they are mainly things that i wouldn't do

well, tonight john brought up his first 'my daughter will never' comment

which of course caused my parents to say, 'write it down! write it down! we want a list of these so when she does them we can laugh at you'

and it made me wonder what my parents said i would never do :)

well, john's comment was about sophia's belly

she has a huge outie of a belly button and i commented that i was going to talk to her pediatrician about if it would one day be an innie or if there was something i can do to make it such

i think it's cute but as a girl, i know i would hate to be in junior high and highschool with a huge outie sticking out under a shirt, or a bathing suit

so john said, 'why does it matter? my daughter will no be showing her belly'

so we have the first one...i wonder what else he thinks will never happen :)

biggest scare of my life

last night, after hanging out with family all day and having a blast, i was getting ready to feed sophia and head to bed
diaper changed, pajamas on, etc
well, her stomach (and mine) have been upset today so i decided to give her some gripe water before she ate (gripe water has ginger, chamomile, and fennel in it and seems to really help)
she took the first 1ml fine, so i gave her another...and she choked and stopped breathing
she turned bugged eyed, red cheeks, purple lips, etc
scared me to death
i pounded her back, turned her over and did back thrusts like you're supposed to
i even tried the little bulb syringe in her mouth...nothing
so i'm crying, running around to get my keys and phone (john was at a friend's)
i get in the car, still pounding on her back and driving with the other hand
thankfully God was watching out and helped her to breath on our way to the ER and kept my way clear (of cops and other stops) as i ran every stop sign and light in between here and the ER
we got to the ER, were taken back quick, and checked out
ps i ran out of the house so fast, i had no shoes on...thankfully amelia loves me and let me borrow hers...i don't recommend going barefoot in hospitals (especially ERs)
she's fine...100% oxygen saturation on room air (which is perfect)
her x-ray was ok too...
and then she decided to get hungry...so she ate and is again sleeping and doing fine
i may not sleep at all tonight but she's ok
and john did go get me the carseat so i was not britney spears on the way home :)
anyway, thankfully God was watching out for us all

the things i swore would never happen

so there were some things in life i swore i would never ever do...or have done to me

and i am starting to think that motherhood is going to make them all happen to me

here are some examples:

1-i would never choose comfort over fashion...yeah that flew out the window when i got pregnant

2-i would never place my hand on my child's chest or finger under her nose to make sure she was still breathing...done that too

3-i would not care about someone's bowel movements...check that one daily too (or every 3 days as she likes to do)

4-i would not wear my pajamas all day...have to confess i have done that numerous times with her lately

5-most importantly i swore i would NEVER EVER EVER get spit up in my mouth...i mean who throws their child up in the air right after eating? well, i didn't throw her up in the air at all but after she ate today, as i was moving her up onto my shoulder to burp, she burped mid-move onto my chest, shirt, arm, face, and my lip

oh it was gross...thankfully it didn't get way in my mouth but gross gross gross

so i am taking back all the things i swore i wouldn't do or have done in hopes of them not happening to me...hopefully sophia will pick up on this new thought pattern i have :)

garage sale finds

i love garage sales!!! well, sometimes...other times i feel like mom and i drive around all day and spend more money on gas then good finds

but today i found some stuff that made it worth it

i got a boppy pillow...new in the bag...for one whole dollar :)

and then i got a boppy newborn lounger...new also...for one whole dollar too

sophia loves to sit up in her boppy but can't maintain the position

then the newborn lounger comes in and ta-daa!!! she likes it so far

oh, one thing i probably shouldn't be doing but am...letting her fall asleep during the day in her vibrating chair...she falls asleep everytime the vibration is on but has a much tougher time when the vibration is on

i should probably let her cry it out in the chair but right now, it's nice to know she'll fall asleep and i can rest or read or do something relaxing

and the chair vibration thing is battery run...and i don't mind paying for the batteries :)

non-parents are perfect parents

people told me that you are the perfect parent until you have kids...well, it is very true

i always thought that i would be able to listen to my children cry in their crib during naptime or at night and let them cry it out because it was for their own good

i mean, in the ER when we have to draw a kid's blood or stitches or something that makes them cry, the parents always look at us and say 'how can you do this?' and my reply is always 'because i know that it will help them...it's for their own good'

well, i figured that would translate into parenting and come naturally

how wrong i was

this listening to sophia cry and then sleep and then cry and then sleep and then scream and then sleep is killing me

it is torture :( but i know it is for her own good

but i also know that i will never judge another parent and think that they should let their kid cry longer or just cry it out...because i understand now how hard it truly is to listen to your child cry and have to tell yourself they are learning to sleep in their own bed, and in the end, it is better for everyone involved

so i will just try to occupy myself and pray when she cries...and feed her and change her when she truly needs it